child’s head position aligned with exhaust pipe for optimal carbon monoxide inhalation
We’ve got the drunk joy-riding grandma in Florida who popped her 7 yr. old grand-daughter into a toy Hot Wheels car and hitched it up – with dog leashes – to a moving vehicle helmed by her intoxicated, quadruple DUI’d, driver’s licenceless husband. They both admitted to being blotto and they knew it was real stupid and all, but, come on, they were just trying to give the kid a good time! Some of the anonymous commenters are asking why the police wasted precious public resources going after these folks when there’s so much ‘real’ danger they should be addressing. Um… really? Like the loose alligator in someone’s pool? I find it hard to believe drunk-driving-minus-license-with- kid-attached-by-dog-leashes would be such a hoot but I guess I wasn’t there.
At least the father of the child – evidently the brains of the operation – had the good sense to shout expletives at his mother upon retrieving his daughter from the drunk tank at the local station. Meanwhile, Grandpops’s in the pokey on a slew of charges. The arrest report is eye-opening.
And here’s an exemplar of Parents Who Use Babies As Props in Stupid Videos, featuring a zoo outing nearly gone awry but hahahha it’s all a big joke. Extra credit for teasing wild animals! I’m curious if this kid is going to be quite as entertained as his parents were when he’s older and watches the footage. He might wonder a little about – dare I say it – the slightly stagey feeling to the episode. You know, the zebra suit and everything? It just feels a little much, don’t you think? Oh, the joys of the well-documented childhood!
And, finally, I’ve got a few questions I really want to ask the tanorexic/child-endangering mom. When did she start “tanning?” (sic) — such a benign word for this… process. And is there another adult in the house? What might he/she think about all the tanning? (Sic.) And was she at all uncomfortable being interviewed in blackface by an African American reporter? Or is that a little too meta for her? And what exactly does her six year-old daughter do on all those visits to the tanning salon when she’s apparently emphatically not trying out the tanning bed where she emphatically did not get the sunburn that alerted the authorities?
I’m not going to be a total downer and attempt to draw a line between this stuff and my “Does America Hate Children?” piece but… Oh, what the heck. I will.
