My newest TIME.com column (a riff on my earlier Johnny Depp piece). Enjoy:
Get Gimli an agent
When the story is written of how Hollywood flipped off heterosexual women, Exhibit A will be Brad Pitt’s beard. Remember when he started appearing in public with the icky nesting material and debris in his facial hair? That benign eccentricity signaled the beginning of A-list actors masquerading as homeless men.
Skeevy celebrities with greasy, uncombed hair are everywhere. It’s probably shooting fish in a barrel to put Joaquin Phoenix on the list, but how about (in addition to Pitt) Mickey Rourke, Jared Leto, Matthew McConaughey, Russells Crowe and Brand, Antonio Banderas, Mel Gibson, Viggo Mortensen, Nick Nolte, Ashton Kutcher, Benicio Del Toro, Colin Farrell, Christian Bale, and — it pains me to say — Leo Di Caprio? You know there’s a problem when your average Oscar nominee and Gimli from Middle-earth are basically interchangeable. Continued here.
